Embracing Brokenness

The second week of our "Set Free" theme for summer project was about we as Christians embracing our brokenness. It most definitely the hardest week emotionally of project for me.

Through the first 6 weeks of project, the Lord started revealing all of these areas of my life that I had sort of glossed over because I felt like I had fixed them. It was weird, because coming into project I had all these ideas of what God would do in my life and what changes would be made. Turns out He had different plans for me. All of those glossed over areas came right back up, and it was like the Lord was saying, "It's time to stop ignoring everything Sam. We're gonna deal with this stuff now, it's time."

To be honest, I was so scared of that, though. I was fine with just trying to move forward and forget things. I knew that if this was what the Lord wanted then it would be worth it, though. So as we went through the week, I started embracing the broken areas of my life.

It was so hard. We had women's conference that week (which was so awesome) where we learned about Ruth and Rahab. They were two women who were very broken, but they were still loved and used by God right where they were. That was such a cool thing to learn, especially because I had felt for so long like until I fixed everything in my life God wouldn't love me as much or want to use me.

I also had always felt like I was unworthy of the Lord's forgiveness for things in my past and present, and refused to forgive myself of so many things. Perfectly enough, in bible study that week, we talked about forgiveness. I was so frustrated. We did an activity that was a perfect portrayal of forgiveness, but I still felt nothing. That's when I realized (through the power of the Word) that refusing to forgive myself for things is like saying that what Jesus did on the cross was nothing. Who am I to say that? That's not what I believe, but it's how I was acting. I can't depend on my feelings. Even if I don't feel forgiven for something right away, that doesn't change the fact that I am forgiven for my past, present, and future.

Honestly, I was a wreck that entire week. My emotions were up and down. I'm so thankful that the Lord put my sweet friends Hannah and Grace in my life and on that project to come alongside me, sit with me and comfort me in my frustration, and always point me towards the Lord. God definitely used them in my life to keep me going.

To end off an incredibly emotional week, the Lord blew me away by putting what I had learned into action. Just like He used Ruth and Rahab in their brokenness, He used me. When my roommate Trisha and I were out sharing the gospel, we got the amazing privilege of leading a girl named Crystal to Christ! It was the first time I had ever done that, and it was so awesome. I was so excited, and it was so sweet of the Lord to use me in that way, proving to me that even through my brokenness, I can be used.