resolutions fall through.

Have you ever noticed that resolutions fall through? Pretty much all the time...at least for me they do. I'm sick of making a resolution and not keeping it. It is frustrating.

So, this year, for New Year's, I'm not making a resolution.

No. This year, I'm making a decision. A decision to change my life. I am just so spiritually and physically and emotionally...empty. It is definitely time for a change, and although it's cliche, the new year is a perfect time to start.

So watch me. Watch me prove all my fears wrong. Cause this year, I'm finally doing it. And with the help of my Heavenly Father, I will be unstoppable.

:)

home.

When I'm home, I put things into perspective. I don't know what it is about home, but something makes me able to think clearer. It's like I want to please my family. And not in an over-achiever-I-can-never-be-good-enough kind of way, but just that I want to do things for them. They bring out my servant heart. Something I struggle to keep in everyday life. I want to keep it though. So I'm glad I get to have this reminder.

So, here I sit, watching Spongebob, waiting for my sister to wake up. Ah, just like old times.

Beautiful.

[big sigh]

There are so many things that God is working in me.

I had a bit of a falling out not too long ago. It was just hard for me to feel that desire to read my bible or the desire to do whatever God wants me to. But, once again, He has renewed me. As He always does.

I just can’t fathom God’s perfect timing and planning. Turns out, all these classes I’m taking while my major is undecided will apply fully to my new major. It’s so cool that God did that. I chose three classes as electives that were just random choices…and I actually needed them for my major!

Things like this are what teach me faith.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

He made everything beautiful. That includes me. Why is that so hard to remember? Why is it so hard to just listen to God telling me that I am beautiful? I may never know the answer. But, I am always going to strive to remember it.

I was thinking the other day how a song can seriously change your outlook on anything. I can walk to class, listening to Joshua Radin and feel completely relaxed. Next thing I know, the song “Mad World” comes on and I suddenly feel sad and skeptical of humans. Then the song “Beautiful” by Phil Wickham comes on and I feel so thankful for God and everything he has given me. All of this = why I love music so much.

Just some random thoughts. Thought you all might like a post since it has been so long.

Bicycle.

So I was riding my bike this morning.

Hmm. That sounds like the opening line of a joke.

But really. I was riding my bike this morning, on the way back from Math class. It's in EE. As far away from Shreve as you can get, I swear.

Anyway, I got on my bike, and something pretty cool happened. It just felt like the second I pushed the pedal down, I was flying. It was like I was moving through all these people, weaving in and out of them and the wind was crazy and it felt just so good.

But I don’t have a very nice bike.

In fact, it creaks and squeaks and squeals and makes just about any other noise you can think of.

A bus also nearly hits me every morning. It literally comes within two feet of me.

Oh, and there’s always those few people who are walking and they are listening to their ipod and texting and then they look up just in time to see me flying toward them, squeezing my breaks as hard as I can without flipping my bike. That’s when they step out of the way. A near heart attack every time.

Even though I experience these things every day, it doesn’t take away the love I have for my bike. It doesn’t take away the wind in my hair, the relief from the heat when it’s 90 degrees out, my amazement that someone as unbalanced as me can become balanced on two wheels, or the little chuckle and look that another biker and I share when we nearly collide.

All in all, I love my turquoise bike. It fits my personality well. And I’m glad I finally have somewhere besides my driveway to ride it.

What Do I Know of Holy?

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

"What do I know of Holy?" Addison Road

Sunshine and Fountains

Gosh. Two of my friends are just so right.

They both were talking about the same things this week--relaxing, taking life in, enjoying what's around you.

Life is hard. I mean, there are just so many changes happening all the time. Here I am, in college, and what have I done? I've stressed about new things happening, getting assignments done, managing my time...but have I actually enjoyed myself?

But back to my friends. Both are such amazing writers (you know who you are :) ) and they just make me realize that while studying and being prepared are important, this is going to go by so fast. Its going to be over in four short years. And also, there are so many things I'm missing. Just simple truths God is putting out there for us to enjoy: a sunny, but breezy day; the crisp air that is a sure sign of fall coming; friends laughing around me, showing me what life is about in their own individual ways. All of these things are things I should be paying close attention to, and not only that, but rejoicing in them and enjoying them.

I laid in the sun today by the fountain, talking to the man I love. It was just glorious.

So thank you girls. Thank you for being my friends and bringing me back to what's important.

Mad World

Well, I'm officially a Boilermaker! :)

Moving in was way easier than i expected it to go. Emily (my roommate) and I both got moved in relatively fast. Everything fits nicely and is great :)

BGR was totally awesome. I learned so much about school, and had a lot of fun doing it. I feel like maybe I won't be so lost now.

As for meeting new people...yes, I've done that. But I'm not sure that it's anyone that I'll be lifelong friends with. That's one reason why I can't wait for Cru to start. I know I'll be meeting a lot of new people there. :)

The only thing I don't like so far is when I have down time. I have no idea what to do with myself. But that's okay. It's only the first week and I know I'm going to have plenty of opportunities.

I miss Zach a lot. But we've been having good communication, and I'm really proud of him for getting all settled in in his apartment and getting his independent life started :)

So, after this first week at college, all I really have to say is...

BOILER UP!